Baka
by Aithril the Elf-Maiden
Summary: Ryou leaves to visit his family in England, while Bakura stays home to watch his aibou's apartment. He's bored, goes for a walk, and finds a puppy that he 'lovingly' names Baka..... Rated PG 13 only because of language
1. Baka

oos: This is one of those random ideas that just occur to you. hehehe, enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Ryou or Bakura. However, I do own Baka! :D  
  
Bakura = Ryou  
  
Yami Bakura = Bakura  
  
Baka  
  
Bakura was bored. He drummed his fingers loudly on top of the kitchen table. Ba-rum, ba-rum, ba-rum..... the noise went on and on. Tick tock, tick tock sounded the clock, but otherwise the apartment was silent.  
  
*Too silent,* thought Bakura. Ever since Ryou had gone off to visit his family in England a week ago, the tomb raider's life had became a little on the dull side.  
  
It was nice that he could get away from Ryou and have his own thoughts, due to the spell he had discovered and performed a week ago that let them have separate bodies. Still........ Bakura sighed. He missed the idiot. At least he was someone to talk to.  
  
Bakura suddenly stood up, the chair whining a sound of protest. He couldn't stand this anymore. He was going out.  
  
***  
  
After locking the door behind him, Bakura strode down the hallway and into the small elevator. A woman with a wailng baby was also contained in it. By the time the slow elevator had made it's way down seven floors, Bakura's left eye was twitching. His hands clenched and unclenched around the spot where his Millenium Ring would be.  
  
Ryou had taken it from him as a 'safety measure', as he called it. Ra knows why.  
  
Bakura walked into the lobby and out the set of revolving doors. A sadistic smile was allowed to appear on his face as he remembered the first time he had to figure out how to get through them.  
  
After he was through with them, the landlord had to buy a whole NEW set of revolving doors.  
  
The yami began walking along the sidewalk, having no real idea of where he was going, but wanting to do anything besides be bored.  
  
Eventually, Bakura came to a park. Children were playing, mothers talking and laughing, and birds singing in every tree. It was too damn perfect! His fingers itched to feel the smooth gold of his Ring in order to cause chaos and destruction.  
  
He sighed heavily. Well, no one could have everything, could they? He sat down on a bench to mentally complain to himself and make a list of everything that had gone wrong.  
  
That's when Bakura noticed the puppy.  
  
***  
  
It was a cute little thing, with long floppy ears and a long muzzle. It was crouching under the bench next to the one Bakura was occupying.  
  
Because he was bored, Bakura decided to call it, just for the hell of it.  
  
"Come." He ordered.  
  
The puppy looked up at him in curiosity.  
  
"Come here." Bakura demanded once more.  
  
It gave a short and resounding bark before approaching him, tail wagging slowly in anticipation.  
  
"Come damnit!" The tomb raider tried once more and held out a hand.  
  
The puppy's wet and cold nose thrust itself onto his palm.  
  
"Shit!" Bakura hastily withdrew his hand and wiped it hurridly on his jeans. "That is so gross," he told the puppy, and it seemed to smile at him, saying Yes, I know I'm gross.  
  
"What gender are you, anyway?" Bakura asked, completely oblivious to the strange looks he was receiving from passerbys.  
  
The puppy started to sniff the ground and Bakura took the opportunity to lift one leg and peer underneath it.  
  
"A girl, huh?" he remarked and looked around. Where was this dog's owner? No one else was around for a good hundred yards now.  
  
"Where's your master?" Bakura inquired. The puppy gave him a sad look. "Ah, ran away did you?" the yami nodded knowingly.  
  
He suddenly realized the sky was getting dark with evening. Fire flies were beginning to emerge, twinkling lights in the dark green grass of summer.  
  
"Well, pup, nice meeting you," said Bakura, standing up. "See you around." Leaving the puppy, who was still sniffing, he started home.  
  
***  
  
Halfway to his aibou's apartment, Bakura realized someone was following him. He let them trail him until he reached a streetlight. Then he whirled around to face the stalker.  
  
"Come on out." Bakura called confidently.  
  
Cricket, cricket.  
  
"Reveal yourself!" stated an impatient Bakura.  
  
The puppy stepped out into the bright ring of light and barked, wagging her tail in recognition.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?!?" he asked incredulously. She simply trotted over and sat on his shoe in reply.  
  
"Get off my damn shoe, I'm going home," Bakura told her. The puppy didn't move. "Stupid baka....... hey, Baka. That's a good name for you."  
  
Baka wagged her tail. She seemed to be fond of that, the tomb raider noted.  
  
"Really. Get off my foot and go home." Bakura shifted his weight to the other foot, yawning. He was so tired that his eyes were beginning to close with no prompt from him.  
  
"Grrrrrrrr...." Bakura growled. Baka just stared up at him with big, innocent eyes. *You could go into a damn staring contest with Ryou or Yugi. You all have the same puppy eyes - no pun intended.* thought Bakura.  
  
"Ok, fine. You get a lift back to the apartment building." He finally snapped and picked her up, holding her gingerly away from his body. Baka squirmed and bleated like a sheep caught by a wolf in the awkward position he was holding her in.  
  
She whimpered and howled so uncessantly that Bakura gave in and held her in the crook of his arm. The puppy immediately quieted so that the tomb raider thought she had went to sleep.  
  
He began to gently place her on the ground and was rewarded with a nip on his hand.  
  
"F*ck!" he cursed, glaring at Baka. She wagged her tail, yawned, and curled up in his arms again.  
  
oos: I hope you liked it! Please read and review! 


	2. Potty Training

oos: Sorry it's been so long! Lol, I've completely forgotten this but:  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Bakura or Ryou! Only Baka! (BTW: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, so kawaiiiiiiiiii! :D)  
  
Potty Training  
  
"Damn b*tch," Bakura hissed to the sleeping puppy in his arms and tip-toed cat-like into his apartment before realizing Ryou was gone.  
  
"Duh." he said outloud and woke Baka. She wagged her tail and jumped out of his arms. "Hey, where are you going?" the yami cried and followed the moving form into the kitchen.  
  
"Woof!" Baka barked once and sat down on the floor, looking up at him.  
  
"What the-" Bakura broke off as he looked at where she was sitting. "Awww, hell no....." he muttered as a puddle of yellow spread out from beneath her.  
  
"Bad! Bad Baka!" Bakura tried, and Baka seemed to smirk at him. She started to trot out of the kitchen.  
  
"Shit, you're not going anywhere!" He blocked the doorway with his feet. "If you're going to defile my house, at least do it on tile. Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean liquid out of a rug?"  
  
Suddenly, the yami realized he was speaking with a puppy.  
  
"F*ckin' hell!" he cursed angrily and stomped off to the closet to retrieve a baby gate that Ryou used when his little cousins were over. Bakura set up the gate and Baka peered through the wire, giving him a sad look.  
  
"Don't look at me like that!" he warned. "If you're going to- ew." Bakura ended as he watched her with evident repulsion written all over his face.  
  
"Great. First you go and pee all over the floor, now you go and crap on it!" he shrieked. Baka wagged her tail happily.  
  
"This could not get any worse...." moaned Bakura. A minute passed by in silence as the spirit attempted to decide what to do. Finally, he stood with a sigh and leapt agilly over the baby gate. He edged around the mess, utterly disgusted with the whole business, and retrieved some paper towels.  
  
Then, while holding his nose, Bakura proceded to clean up the mess.  
  
*Half an hour later*  
  
"Whew!" said Bakura, flopping down on the couch. "I never thought something that could look so CUTE could be so DISGUSTING!" He yelled the words toward the kitchen where Baka was still stationed.  
  
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmm......" she whined pathetically, and Bakura was surprised to feel a small tug on his heart.  
  
It was a new feeling to him, this wanting to 'help' business.  
  
"Baka!" he snarled. "Silence!"  
  
"Hmmmmmmmmmm!" she whimpered again and Bakura reluctantly walked over to the baby gate.  
  
"What?!?" he questioned irritably. Baka reared onto her hind legs and put her front paws on the gate. It fell over with a crash.  
  
"Damn!" cursed Bakura. *Must not have put that on too securely....*  
  
Her tail wagging, Baka raced to Bakura's room.  
  
"Come back here!" the tomb robber shouted, chasing after her. Baka pushed open the door with her nose and jumped onto the bed, barking in excitement.  
  
"You-" Bakura started. He was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. "Stay here." he growled to the puppy and she gave a small yip in reply. He rolled his eyes and ran to the door.  
  
"Coming, coming....." the yami murmured as he undid the locks. Who could be here at this hour?  
  
Finally, he opened the door to a short, squat man with fiery red hair. "Keep it down!" the man snarled. Bakura's eye twitched and he closed the door behind him.  
  
"Make me." he spat in the guy's face. The man made a sound that was evidently supposed to pass as a war-cry and lunged at Bakura.  
  
The yami easily dodged the attack and caught the man around the neck. He struggled, gasping and choking for lack of air. Bakura held him tight for a while, looking almost bored, until the man stopped moving.  
  
"It's about time!" Bakura huffed, dropping the unconcious body and stomping back into his apartment. He slammed the door behind him and took a few deep breaths.  
  
He gradually became aware of a soft, whispy sound. "Whist.... wee..... whist..... wee.... whist.... wee..." *What the f*ck?* the spirit thought, wide-eyed. Then he realized it's cause.  
  
"Baka...." he breathed and stole his way across the hallway, opening the door and entering in the same stride. On his pillow lay the puppy, snuggled deep into the cushiony fabric. Her ear was flopped backwards and tail curled around her body in sleep.  
  
Bakura stood staring in shock before dissolving into chuckles. *The nerve!* he thought, amused, before taking off his clothes and changing into a fresh pair of boxers (Aithril: *_*).  
  
He crawled onto the bed and pushed her off the pillow. Baka gave a low groan of protest, but stretched out on one half of the bed. Bakura grinned and laid his head on the pillow.  
  
*What a b*tch....* was his last thought before he drifted off to sleep.  
  
oos: Heh, Baka's so kawaii! She's modeled after my puppy, Angel of the Dawn, who's not really an Angel after all. Lol, I hope you're enjoying the story. Please review review review! :D 


	3. ManEater Bug is Destroyed

oos: Hey, everyone. The teachers have started cramming all assignments in at the last minute; it's been horrible, so please excuse the late factor on this chapter. School ends on June 20 (T_T) (SO FAR AWAY! ). Then, chapters will be posted abnormally quickly! ^_^  
  
Man-Eater Bug is Defeated  
  
Bakura woke to a strange sensation. His face felt wet and every now and then- the yami bolted upright in bed with a startled shout.  
  
Baka, who had been sitting on his chest, tumbled off with a protesting yip. Bakura touched a finger to his face and immediately removed it. *Stupid dog must have been licking my face to wake me up,* he thought wryly, walking to the bathroom.  
  
He closed the door behind him and started humming as he got out a fresh towel in anticipation of a nice, hot shower.  
  
Bakura twisted the tap to 'ON' and then to 'HOT'. The water grew warm in seconds, so the yami shed his boxers and stepped inside. He sighed and closed his eyes, enjoying the refreshing feeling of hot water pounding onto his back like a massage.  
  
Suddenly, his eyes snapped open. *What was I thinking?* he asked himself incredulously. *Leaving that mutt out there by herself is like signing my own death warrant. I didn't even block off any rooms.....* Bakura quickly finished up and almost literally jumped out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist (Aithril: 0_o!!!!!!) and threw open the door.  
  
Practically at his feet lay one of Ryou's blue slippers. Next to it lay a roll of toilet paper, mostly unrolled. Bakura followed it down the hallway, through the kitchen, and into the den. The last square had teeth marks in it the size of a puppy's.  
  
*Gee, I wonder which mongrel it could be,* Bakura thought sarcastically.  
  
Next to the toilet paper was a chewed up Man-Eater Bug card. The yami stood in silence for a minute, mouth dropped open in shock. Then he dropped to the floor and reverently picked up the Duel Monster Card.  
  
"That b*tch will pay....." he hissed slowly.  
  
He began to hunt meticulously through the apartment.  
  
**1 Hour Later**  
  
"Oh, Baka!" called Bakura angrily, but he had a hint of worry in his voice. "Where are you?!?"  
  
No replying yips.  
  
"If you come out now like a good doggy, I promise not to banish you to the shadow realm." He offered. It had worked with Joey before.  
  
But there was still no answer from Baka.  
  
"Baka!" he yelled, frustrated. Bakura started to step forward and nearly tripped over something. He growled and turned around to see what would have dared stop the Mighty Bakura from continuing his Important Search.  
  
It was a laundry basket full of clean clothes that Ryou had left for Bakura because he didn't know how to work the washer or dryer.  
  
On top of the clothes lay Baka. She was stretched out, ears flopped to the side and snoring happily.  
  
The clothes weren't clean anymore.  
  
"Wake up, you stupid dog!" Bakura yelled, lightly kicking the laundry basket. For some reason, he didn't really want to hurt her.  
  
Baka's brown eyes slowly opened and it took a second before she registered who had interrupted her snooze.  
  
She jumped guiltily out of the laundry basket and started to crawl away.  
  
"Oh, no you don't." said Bakura, planting his foot firmly in her path. The puppy dared to look up at him with sad eyes before lowering her head once more and whining.  
  
"Sorry, Baka, but apologies don't work on me!" Bakura said cheerfully, trying to ignore the thing nagging at his heart.  
  
Baka didn't seem to get this because she continued whining and even nuzzled his foot once.  
  
The yami was beginning to get annoyed. "Fine damnit!" he huffed. "I forgive you!" The dog was still crying.  
  
"Apology accepted?"  
  
More whines.  
  
"That's ok?"  
  
A short bark.  
  
"You're a good dog?"  
  
At this, Baka stopped and straightened up. Her tail began to wag.  
  
"Yeah, that's great. Glad we're even now," Bakura said sourly. "I'm going to get dressed. I'll only be gone for a minute, so BE GOOD!"  
  
Baka jumped up on the couch and sat down while her master backed suspiciously into the hallway.  
  
*What mischief could she get into in five minutes?* he reassured himself..........  
  
oos: Gah! Now that I've been writing this, I'm gonna miss the bus! CYA LATER! ^_^ 


	4. Phone Conversation with Ryou

oos: Sorry it's been such a while since I've updated this story- or any story for that matter. But I was at camp, then I had some writer's block..... (shakes head) Anywayz, now I'm back! And I'm going to update my profile to say this:  
  
I have two stories that I had to stop in the middle of before leaving for camp: Baka and Do As the Ancient Kings Say (Ctnd). After much debating, and looking at reviews from my readers, I've decided to finish Baka. As soon as the last chapter's out, I'll continue on with DATAKS 2. Then, you have What One must do when One gains an Aibou (Ctnd) to look forward to, and maybe a song fic (I'm still thinkin' about that one). After these...... I'm considering taking a break from fanfiction.net and working on my own original story. Unless I get another cool story idea, of course. ^_~  
  
On with the story! Enjoy!!!!!!! ^_^  
  
Phone Conversation with Ryou  
  
Bakura returned to the living room to find Baka curled up asleep on the couch. He scanned the room over quickly and decided nothing was missing, destroyed, or otherwise.  
  
"Thank Ra," he said softly. Baka opened her eyes, raised her head and gave a short bark.  
  
"What?" Bakura asked. The yami almost expected the puppy to answer him.  
  
The telephone on the wall suddenly rang, startling both of the room's occupants into standing.  
  
Baka shook herself and jumped off the couch. She ran to the wall and stood on her hind legs, barking wildly at the phone.  
  
"I'll get it," Bakura grumbled automatically. He picked it up. "What?"  
  
"Hi!"  
  
"Ryou?! What do you want?"  
  
"I just wanted to check that you were making out okay...." The boy responded, sounding slightly hurt.  
  
"Well, I'm fine." Bakura used a milder tone. "How's your trip been?"  
  
"Oh, it's been brilliant! I got to go sightseeing yesterday with a friend and we must've been around the whole city! I've used at least five rolls of film and- Bakura? Is that barking?"  
  
During the whole conversation, Baka had been inspecting the phone. Everytime she heard Ryou's voice on the other end she would start yipping furiously. Bakura had been trying to listen and go "Shh!" at the same time, but his host must have heard anyway.  
  
"No," The tomb robber tried to lie anyway. "What are you talki ng about?"  
  
"Bakura."  
  
"Fine! Yes!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I- I found it."  
  
"What? You just took in a strange dog off the street?"  
  
"No! She was at the park!"  
  
"Does she have owner tags?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Vet tags?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Does she even have a collar on?!?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Ergh!" Ryou made a noise of frustration before continuing. "Have you made up lost and found posters?"  
  
"I just found her yesterday."  
  
"You should try to find her owner before you keep her."  
  
"I don't want to keep her!" Bakura said roughly. "It's not like I'm attached to her or anything."  
  
"Sure," said Ryou, bemused.  
  
"Did you pay a visit to my soul room?" The yami demanded.  
  
"No! I can hear it in your voice plain as day."  
  
Bakura muttered incoherantly into the phone for a minute while Ryou waited for him to finish.  
  
"What should I do first then?" he mumbled. "I need to get rid of her."  
  
"First, you should take her to the vet."  
  
"Why?!? I don't want her!"  
  
"It doesn't matter. She probably has fleas or something. And, let me guess, you let her run around and jump on the furniture."  
  
"So what if I did?" Bakura asked defensively.  
  
"Never mind. The point is, we don 't know what diseases or anything she might carry. Take her to the vet in town and tell him you want an examination for general diseases."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"And tell the vet to check for an ID chip."  
  
"A what?"  
  
"An ID chip is a little computer chip that is inserted through a needle into the back of a dog's neck."  
  
Bakura grimaced at this description. "Why?'  
  
"Then, if the dog is lost, a vet can use a scanner to search for the chip. Usually, information such as the owner's name and address is put on it. If she has a chip, then we'll know who the owners are."  
  
"Uh-huh," said Bakura distractedly as he told Baka off for chewing on the phone cord.  
  
"Oh, and for now, buy her a bowl and some food so we can feed her while we wait for her owner to call."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Now I have to go, but I'll call in a couple of days to see how everything is, okay?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Alright....... 'bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Bakura slammed down the phone and pulled a sock out of Baka's mouth. "To the vet we go." he said.  
  
At the word vet, Baka's ears drew back and she sank close to the floor. With a whimper, she ran off to hide.  
  
The yami blinked. "That smart little bugger....." he realized. " She must have definitely been owned before and now hates the vet! Get back here!"  
  
He found her hiding under Ryou's bed.  
  
"Come on out," Bakura wheedled. "It's only a little trip to..... the biscuit factory."  
  
Baka's ears twitched forward.  
  
"Yes, yes," he reassured. "Biscuits, biscuits, and biscuits galore!"  
  
Baka crawled out from under the bed, her tail wagging.  
  
"Gotcha!" The tomb robber scooped up the puppy into his arms and held her tight while he jammed some shoes onto his feet.  
  
"Stop struggling," he hissed to Baka, who was squirming as if there was no tomorrow. "We're getting biscuits, remember?"  
  
But she seemed to know he was lying and continued to wiggle with all her strength.  
  
"Smart little bugger....." Bakura repeated and stepped out the apartment door.  
  
oos: Ta-da! I feel so proud! (wags tail) Erm... yes, that's a long story by itself! Ta-ta! ^_^;; Oh, and reviews would be good, thanks. 


	5. Macaroni and Cheese

oos: Hahahahhaahahha, I love this chapter! Please review and tell me how you like it.  
  
Macaroni and Cheese  
  
"What the hell do you mean, 'I need an appointment'?!?" Bakura slammed his fist down on the desk of the receptionist at the Animal Ark Hospital. "I want to see a doctor for my dog. NOW!" The young woman behind the desk flinched involuntarily.  
  
"You need to schedule an hour-long appointment for a routine checkup. Only emergencies are taken immediately because they are more important."  
  
Bakura let fly with a stream of curses in Ancient Egyptian before calming down enough to request the earliest hour-long appointment available.  
  
"Tomorrow at 9 AM with Dr. Gordon."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Your dog's name?"  
  
"Baka."  
  
The tomb robber, still carrying Baka, marched huffily out the vet's office and grumbled all the way home.  
  
"I can't believe those baka mortals ordered me around like that... Bakura, the greatest tomb robber in the history of Anicent Egypt, need an appointment? I don't think so, bakana kusos don't know who they're messing with...."  
  
Bakura fumbled with the key to the door, managed to flip it around the right way and shoved it into the door, twisting it at the same time. The door unlocked with a small 'click' and swung open. Baka, relieved to be home and not at the vet's, wriggled out of his grip and vanished down the hallway.  
  
Deciding he didn't care whether anything was destroyed anymore, the ancient thief took out a box of Kraft Maceroni and Cheese for dinner. He ignored the happy box, knowing somehow Ryou made it so he could, too. Instructions? He had no need for instructions! How hard could it be to make Maceroni and Cheese?  
  
It was obvious that he needed some type of pot..... Bakura rummaged around in the cabinets for ten minutes before he found a stainless steel shiny pot. It reminded him of knives..... anyway... what did he do now? He was stuck.   
  
Then, just to 'to see how Kraft made their macaroni and cheese', he decided to follow the instructions. Let's see- it was either the stove or the microwave. Either might set the food on fire, which would be very lovely. An evil grin stretched across his face. Then again, he needed to eat- Bakura chose the stove.  
  
Boil 6 cups of water.  
  
That was a difficult sentence to follow by itself. Boil? What the hell did that mean? He found a dictionary and opened it to the B's, flipping through the pages until he reached the word 'boil'.  
  
Definition #1: A painful, circumscribed pus-filled inflammation of the skin and subcutaneous tissue usually caused by a local staphylococcal infection. Also called furuncle.  
  
Bakura wrinkled his nose in disgust. Perhaps this was the WRONG definition.  
  
Definition #2: To turn liquid into gas with extreme heat.  
  
His eyebrow raised. This sounded fun. But how hot did it need to get? The tomb robber scanned the list of words on the page quickly and found another: boiling point.  
  
Definition #1: The temperature at which a fluid is converted into vapor, with the phenomena of ebullition. This is different for different liquids, and for the same liquid under different pressures. For water, at the level of the sea, barometer 30 in., it is 212 [deg] Fahrenheit; for alcohol, 172.96[deg]; for ether, 94.8[deg]; for mercury, about 675[deg]. The boiling point of water is lowered one degree Fahrenheit for about 550 feet of ascent above the level of the sea.  
  
Bakura had no idea what the f*ck the phenomena of ebullition was, but he saw that for water to 'boil', it needed to reach 212 degrees, whatever they were.  
  
Just then he spied a little dial on the stove that said Clean - Off - Warm - 200 - | - | - | - 300 - | - | - | -400 - | - | - | - 500 - Broil in a circle.  
  
"Hmm..." he mused outloud. "Those lines stand for numbers, and the numbers must be degrees. He reached his hand out and turned it a little to the right, then looked back at the paper. The tomb robber shrieked in surprised as one of the ranges on the stove clicked before a small blue flame appeared.   
  
"Ooh..." Bakura mumured, entranced by the flame. Ten full minutes passed before his stomach growled loudly, reminding him that he was starved.  
  
He left the flame on, because it was pretty, and retrieved the measuring cups. This part was easy. Ryou had taught him that much. He filled the cup six times with water and dumped it each time into the pot. He read the next direction.  
  
Stir in Macaroni.  
  
Easy! Bakura opened the package of noodles and poured them carefully into the pot, which was now emitting small bubbles. He looked at the box again.  
  
Boil 7 to 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.  
  
He placed the pot on the stove and waiting impatiently. The water didn't seem to be doing anything. After five minutes, Bakura poked the pot with a finger and yelped, withdrawing it hastily when it was burnt.  
  
"I guess it's working, afterall." He said to himself, while running cool water from the tap over his finger. He got a wooden spoon and stirred the macaroni. While it still had a minute left, he read the next direction.  
  
Drain. Do not rinse. Return to the pan.  
  
Bakura's eyes brightened. Yes! He knew what that meant, too! Feeling immensely proud of himself, the thief took out a yellow drainer from under the sink and meticulously poured the noodles into it. The water hissed as it ran through the drainer and down the drain. He then took the drainer and poured the damp noodles back into the pot.  
  
Then another direction.  
  
Add 1/2 cup margarine.  
  
Margarine? What?  
  
He took out the dictionary again.  
  
Definition #1: A fatty solid butter substitute consisting of a blend of hydrogenated vegetable oils mixed with emulsifiers, vitamins, coloring matter, and other ingredients.  
  
It sounded like a disgusting concoction. But there was a word he actually recognized: butter. If margarine was a substitute for butter, than butter could be used as a substitute for margarine..... right? Bakura decided to try it and took out the butter. He had been wondering how it was possible to actually measure out 1/4 cup of butter when he saw the markings on the package. Thank Ra! He took out a knife, one of his favorites, actually, and cut the butter. He dropped the small piece into the pot. The tomb robber watched it dissolve for a moment, then looked for the next direction.  
  
Add 1/4 cup of milk and Cheese Sauce Mix.  
  
Hey! They were cheating! Those were TWO directions, not one! Oh well... it was still simple. Bakura fetched the measuring cup again and the milk from the refrigerator. He poured the white liquid into the '1/4' cup and in turn dumped that in the pot. Then he took the Cheese Sauce Mix and ripped off the top. He tossed the cheddar into the pot and read the last and final direction.  
  
Mix well.  
  
Effortless. The tomb robber used the spoon again to stir up the Macaroni and Cheese. He sniffed the air hungrily and was pleased to note the heavenly scent that drifted out of the pot. He knew he could make it without help! Of course, he might have looked at the box once or twice, but the rest was all him! Bakura couldn't wait for it to cool off and bolted it down in five minutes flat.  
  
"Ah...." he sighed in contentment. "I am a good cook."  
  
The graverobber gave the pot to Baka for her to 'clean' and stripped down to his boxers. (Aithril: *_*) He fell into bed, exhausted.   
  
*Too much brain power, I suppose...* was Bakura's final thought before he floated off to dreamland.  
  
(A/N: No doubt in Bakura's dreamland, there are people dying, rivers made of blood that you are free to sip at anytime, and knives that pop out of the ground like daisies.... -_-;; I wouldn't be suprised.)  
  
***  
  
The next morning, Bakura woke up with Baka sound asleep, her chubby body pressed against his back.  
  
"SHIT!" He suddenly yelled and she jumped up, baying at the top of her lungs.  
  
"What time is it?" He shouted frantically and leaned over to check the clock. "8:45?!? Crap!" The tomb raider leapt out of bed and dressed in clean clothes. He ran a brush through his hair twice to remove the huge knots, then sat down to eat breakfast. Bakura looked at the round kitchen clock that hung above the doorway. "Only 10 minutes now! No time!"  
  
He set down a bowl on the floor and filled it with the 'free sample' of dog food he had picked up the day before at the local supermarket. Baka eagerly inhaled the whole meal in two seconds. Bakura grabbed something called a Breakfast Bar and tucked her under his arm. Doing a balancing act, he locked the door, tucked the key in his pocket, and slammed it shut behind them. He estimated they had about five minutes left and practically sprinted to the Animal Ark Hospital. Along the way, he ripped open the wrapper of the Breakfast Bar with his teeth and crammed it into his mouth. He managed to swallow the foul substance as he climbed the steps to the office.  
  
Bakura threw open the doors and strode inside, glaring furiously at the receptionist (a new one this time) as if the fact that he had almost been late was all her fault.  
  
"Name please?" She said without looking up. He jumped, then realized she was talking to him.  
  
"Bakura Ryou."  
  
The woman looked up at him, smirking. "No, honey, your dog's name."  
  
The tomb raider's eye twitched spastically, and even she noticed that. He growled softly, and took a deep breath. "Baka."  
  
"Ok," The receptionist said, nervous now. "You'll just have to fill out this form and then Dr. Gordon can examine your dog." She held out a clipboard and pen with shaking hands.  
  
Bakura muttered something under his breath and snatched the materials away with one hand. He stalked off to a chair directly across from the desk. He raised the pen, about to start, when he felt the receptionist's stare on him. The grave robber slowly raised his eyes from the floor to her eyes, a slow smirk spreading across his face. The woman gulped and began typing hurridly at the computer, her gaze never leaving the screen.  
  
He sneered in satisfaction and picked up the form again. Lucky Ryou had taught him to write in Japanese.  
  
FORM:   
  
Dog:  
  
Full Name: Baka  
  
Nickname: Baka  
  
Mother: No clue  
  
Father: Haven't the faintest.  
  
Gender: Female  
  
Spayed or Neutered? (Y or N): What the hell?!?  
  
Age: I have no idea.  
  
Breed: I don't know!  
  
Coat Color(s): Black, white, and brown  
  
Eye Color(s): How could she have two different eye colors?! BOTH of her eyes are brown.  
  
Height: No bloody idea!  
  
Weight: I'd guess around 35 pounds.  
  
Shot History: Huh? She's never been shot as far as I know.  
  
License Number: She doesn't have one. That's what I f*cking came here for.  
  
ID Chip? (Y or N): No  
  
Owner  
  
Name: Bakura Ryou  
  
Age (In yr.s): 5,000  
  
Address: 98 Section A  
  
Len's Apartments, Japan (AN: How DO you write addresses in Japan? Or phone numbers for that matter? Oh well... here goes my best guess! hehehe LOL!)  
  
Phone Number: 318- 373- 4109  
  
Credit Card or Check?: Money? This costs money?  
  
A standard check-up costs $100 to have the doctor examine your dog and there will be additional costs if shots or any medicine is needed.  
  
Clip your check to the paper below or wait until after to pay with your credit card.  
  
END FORM  
  
"Well...." Bakura muttered. "That was harder than I thought....."  
  
He stood up and walked over to the receptionist's desk. "Here." He threw the clipboard and pen at her, both of which she barely caught.   
  
"Th-th-thank you, sir." She stammered. "P-please sit down and w-wait. The d-doctor will be r-right out."  
  
Just to spite her, the thief began restlessly pacing across the waiting room, Baka still under one arm.  
  
***  
  
After half an hour, Bakura was becoming frustrated, to say the least. "Do they think I have all day?!" He hissed angrily and the receptionist cowered behind her computer.  
  
Much to her relief, his name was suddenly called from a door leading further into the ventinary hospital.  
  
"Baka?"  
  
oos: Review review review! ^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^  
  
Click on the button! ^_^  
  
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	6. Poor Receptionist

oos: Wow! It's been so long! (smacks self) Bad! Bad Aithril for making the poor readers suffer- especially since they wrote such lovely reviews. ^_^  
  
Anyway....  
  
Poor Receptionist  
  
Bakura turned his head so quickly toward the doorway that his neck 'cricked' and he grimaced. "Yes?"  
  
"Come in, come in!" The vet sang out cheerfully. The tomb raider growled at the happy tone, but scooped up Baka by the middle and marched inside, slamming the dull, white door behind him.  
  
"My name is Dr. Gordon!" The man announced. "I'll just take a look at, erm... Baka's chart before we continue, ok?!? Ok!"  
  
He was already beginning to grind on Bakura's last nerve. The tomb raider in question ignored him (for the moment), idly counting the number of square tiles on the ceiling. After ten minutes, he realized Dr. Gordon was STILL looking at the damn chart. Wasn't he done yet?  
  
"E-hem!" Bakura cleared his throat loudly and the vet jumped.  
  
"So...." He tried to cover up his surprise. "You don't know anything about this dog other than the fact that she's female, has a black, white, and brown coat, and has brown eyes?"  
  
"I found her. On the street." The grave robber answered through clenched teeth.  
  
The doctor mouthed an "Oh" and nodded.  
  
"Otherwise, I'd know all of that crap, you MORON!"  
  
But Dr. Gordon was once more absorbed in the form, scanning through the information was a disbelieving look cemented into his face.  
  
"You're 5,000 years old?!?"  
  
"Ha." coughed Bakura lamely, realizing he had made a seriously stupid mistake. "Ha. Hahahha. Um, I have, uh, some family who work here and I, uh, wrote that in case they happened to look, so, and-"  
  
The doctor was nodding wisely again. "I see. Who do you know that works here?"  
  
After searching for an answer that was not found, Bakura pretended to glance down at a watch on his wrist and said, "Wow! Look how time flies! Let's get on with the examination, shall we?"  
  
Dr. Gordon stared at him curiously, then shrugged. "Sure." He took his first look at Baka.  
  
"Aw, a beagle! That's my favorite breed." He wrote in messy doctor handwriting on the chart while Bakura made a note of that. A beagle, huh?  
  
"What the fu-.... fudge is a beagle?" The tomb-raider asked more-or-less politely.  
  
"Beagles are a small breed of dog with a powerful nose. They are often used to hunt rabbits and are usually quite friendly. They make wonderful family pets."  
  
"Ah," Bakura grunted, losing interest.  
  
"Has she had her shots?"  
  
"Um... no?" He offered, hoping this was a correct answer.  
  
"That's ok! I brought a whole line-up just for that." Dr. Gordon grinned cheerfully and picked up Baka. Bakura sighed in relief.  
  
"Nice Baka...."  
  
The beagle growled and bit one of the hands that gripped her around the stomach.  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
"Mwahahha... oh, I'll pick her up for you." Bakura offered innocently, trying to hide his snickers.  
  
"That might be better." The vet winced, backing off to rummage through a cabinet. He pulled out iodine and gauze and used it to clean and bandage his hand.  
  
"Good dog!" Bakura whispered to Baka and she wagged her tail happily.  
  
Dr. Gordon returned and quickly gave Baka five shots in a row, but the puppy didn't seem to mind. If anything, she just hated having to stand in one spot for so long.  
  
"If you would please hold her head, I'll cut her nails." Dr. Gordon instructed, and the tomb robber grudgingly complied. Baka began licking his hand and he smiled.  
  
"There we go!" The doctor grinned, finishing. "I declare this dog healthy and fit."  
  
"And golly gosh, I'm glad as hell," Bakura imitated the man's voice in a simpering, annoying tone.  
  
"That's great!" Dr. Gordon smiled, completely oblivious.  
  
His patient's owner groaned.  
  
"That will be 5,000 yen, please."   
  
Bakura's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. Where did the doctor expect him to have that kind of money? He thought fast.  
  
"I, uh, just have to go to the bathroom real quick. Could you keep an eye on Baka until I'm back?" He blinked innocently.  
  
"Of course..."  
  
Bakura dashed out of the room and down the hall. On the way, he bowled over an elderly, white-haired man.  
  
"Watch it!"  
  
"Sorry!" He imitated Ryou's gentle (*WEAK!* Bakura sneered.) voice and the man shrugged and walked off.  
  
The tomb raider's face stretched into a malicious sneer as he withdrew the old man's wallet from his jacket. He opened it excitedly.   
  
"What?!? Only 2,000 yen?" He'd have to find some more people to rob... and quickly.....  
  
*Ten minutes and three victims later*  
  
"Hello, back!" Bakura announced, in a significantly better mood than before.  
  
"Are you all right?" The doctor asked, concerned.  
  
"Ah, fine." The spirit answered, confused. It suddenly dawned on him that he'd been 'in the bathroom' for ten minutes. "Oh, I, uh, couldn't find the bathroom for about five minutes!" He admitted, pretending to be sheepish.  
  
"Good," Dr. Gordon smiled cheerfully. "Back to payment.... 5,000 yen, please."  
  
"Certainly," Bakura answered gravely, graciously, in a manner so completely unlike him that even the doctor hesitated before taking the crumpled money.  
  
"Thank you. Stop back for a check-up appointment in six months."  
  
"I'll do that." He took Baka off the table.  
  
The vet opened the door to the office and ushered them out. Bakura was sure to glare at the now near-hysterical receptionist.  
  
"Thank Ra that's over...." He muttered to himself. The beagle at his feet barked happily and pulled him in the direction of the park.   
  
"To the park, then?" Bakura broke out into a rare smile of genuine happiness. "Sure!"  
  
Baka wagged her tail so fast that it appeared a blur as she danced merrily at the end of the make-shift 'lease' the tomb raider had fashioned from a long length of rope.   
  
The pair meandered slowly to the park and sat down on a bench to watch the sun go down. Bakura suddenly glanced around with a start.  
  
"Hey," He said, breaking the silence that had been unbroken for two hours straight. Baka glanced up from her furiously paced sniffing. "This is where we met,"   
  
The beagle simply stared up at him in a manner he found almost cute.  
  
"Yes, I'm sounding too sentimental, aren't I?" Bakura grumbled, his pale skin turning a faint red. Imagine him saying something that corny! He needed to wake up from this momentary state of softness, and quickly!  
  
"Come on, let's go home." He tugged gently at the lead and Baka followed him to the exit of the park, her nose still glued to the ground.  
  
***  
  
They arrived home just in time to hear the phone ring.  
  
"Oh, shit!" Bakura cursed, fumbling with the key. He flung open the door, slammed it behind him with his foot, and ran to pick up the phone.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hello? Is this.... Bakura Ryou?"  
  
"Who wants to know?" Bakura snarled.  
  
"This is Dr. Gordon. I'm calling about Baka."  
  
"What is it? What's wrong?"  
  
"Oh, nothing. Please dispel all your fears."  
  
Bakura breathed a big sigh or relief and glared into the phone. Stupid doctor! Scaring him like that!  
  
"You said you picked her off the street? When?"   
  
"Three or four days ago." Bakura was too surprised to think up a sarcastic answer.  
  
"I think I know who her true owner is."  
  
oos: Again, sorry this took so dreadfully long! ^_^ School sucks! T_T I'll write again soon! Keep in mind that there's only one or two chapters left.   
  
~Aithril 


	7. Never in the Nine Hells

oos: (waves) Hello! See? It wasn't that long afterall..... OH NO!!! This is the last chapter of Baka! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Psyche!   
  
Hahahahha, j/k. It's the second to last. ^_~ On with the chapter! I hope you enjoy it.  
  
*........* = Thoughts  
  
Never in the Nine Hells....  
  
"N-nani?" Bakura asked, actually stammering. His heart pounded in panic and disbelief.  
  
"I think I know who Baka originally belonged to," The doctor patiently repeated on the other end of the line.  
  
"Oh," The spirit replied faintly.  
  
"The owner was once a client of mine, but switched to a different clinic a while back. I was playing golf the other day-"  
  
Bakura sweatdropped. *So Ryou was right.....*  
  
"- when I spotted a poster with his name on it. He was pleading for the return of his 6 month old beagle who had escaped from his yard a week before. Soon after you left, I realized the connection and called. I'd like you to give him a ring so that you can check it out."  
  
The yami sagged against the wall, mind numb with shock. His hands strayed to the non-existant ring around his neck. 'Oh, I'd give him a ring all right, the /Millenium/ Ring!'  
  
"Ryou-san?" Dr. Gordon inquired, concerned.  
  
It took Bakura a moment to realize that 'Ryou-san' was himself.  
  
"Gomen, I'm here." He made his voice like Ryou's to hide the trembles currently lurking in his own. "What's the owner's name and telephone number?"  
  
"His name is Kyoden Takahama. His phone number is 939-645-1032."  
  
"Arigatou for informing me." It was becoming more and more of a challange for Bakura to hold to his pretense.  
  
"You're welcome. Onegai, contact me if you have trouble locating Takahama-san."  
  
"I will. Bye."  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
The tomb raider slowly replaced the reciever in it's cradle and drifted over to the couch in a daze.  
  
How could he be so crestfallen, so broken and upset now that this mutt was leaving? He had said it himself to Ryou, that he /wanted/ to get rid of Baka..... but now.... he wasn't so sure. The little beagle had grown on him ('Rather like a fungus.' Bakura thought wryly).   
  
His mind turned up a prodigious amount of options. It was possible to ignore the doctor's call, as if it had never happened, or to run away with Baka and disappear from the world until Ryou returned. He could also change their apartment address; his hikari wouldn't mind too much, as long as he was informed of the move. But Bakura was avoiding the one choice he was dreading to even consider: The phone call to Takahama-san.  
  
Groaning hopelessly, the yami stood, almost wearily, as though a great weight had been placed upon his body. His arm lifted gradually to the level of the phone and his hand was meticulously unclenching as he concentrated upon the action of each finger. Bakura knew that he must call the other owner.... but even as he recognized this need, his hand fell limply to his side and he sank slowly to the floor, eyes fixated on the pale, beige carpeting.  
  
Bakura frowned, feeling his eyes burn. He was feeling.... something. It felt so familiar and within mind's grasp, but what could it be...? His question was soon answered as a wet drop of liquid fell to his cheek and ran down to his chin. The grave robber swiped at it in amazement and even looked up, expecting to see a hole in the ceiling where this could have originated. But there was only the dull color of the cheap plaster, unblemished by any mark or hole.   
  
He was puzzled now, staring at the drop on his finger. Bakura raised it to his mouth, eyes crossed as he tried to see it at the same time. His tongue darted out quickly, washed over the finger, and recoiled in horror as a taste of salt refreshed his memory.  
  
*Am I.... crying?*  
  
Flabbergasted, the tomb raider was suprised to feel more tears rushing down his face and even a sob or two break from his gasping mouth. Bakura's shoulders shook uncontrollably and he automaticaly curled up into fetal position, burying his face in his knees.  
  
*But.... why? Why now? I've /killed/ people and it hasn't hurt this much. I.... don't understand.*  
  
An urgent bark interrupted his thoughts.  
  
He raised his head, mind blank as he watched a sympathetic face appear over his knees. Baka put her paws on his chest and began licking up his tears, tongue soothing and reassuring.  
  
*Thank Ra.... she'll get rid of these blasted tears,* Bakura thought, extremely relieved. But that relief was short-lived as the tears began falling even faster from his wide brown eyes.  
  
*Stop!* He thought frantically, but his tear ducts were overloaded with millenias of built-up frustration and could be held back no longer.  
  
Enjoying the salt, Baka continued to lick up the remnants of Bakura's tears while he attempted to stop.   
  
It was about an hour before his eyes ran dry and even longer until after the hiccups ended, during which he watched tv, red-rimmed eyes staring past the screen. When the tomb raider could trust his voice again, he marched up to the phone and dialed the number before he lost his nerve.  
  
As it was ringing, he panicked and gave up. Chiding himself on chickening out so easily, Bakura redialed and waited as the other line connected.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
The yami swallowed heavily. "Takahama-san?"  
  
"This is he."  
  
"My name is Bakura Ryou.... and I believe I've found your dog."  
  
"Oh, that's great." The man's voice was dripping with indifference. "Where was she?"  
  
"Uh, the Newberry Park," Bakura answered, confused. Why hadn't Takahama-san asked him for confirmation, or even described the dog to see if it was the right one?  
  
"Ah. I'll need to check if she's my dog. Could you bring her over tomorrow around 11:00 AM?"  
  
The grave robber felt reassured by this formality. "Hai, that sounds fine."  
  
"Good. See you then."  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
Bakura hung up, heaving a sigh. "Well. It's done." He told Baka, who had been sitting patiently at his feet the whole time. "You're going back to your real owner tomorrow."  
  
The beagle cocked her head and blinked as if thinking carefully about something.  
  
"I... won't see you from then on." He announced with minor difficulty. "It would be good if you stayed in your yard this time." The tomb raider added, attempting to sound sarcastic. He failed miserably.  
  
It was silent in the kitchen as they both stared at each other. Baka knew he was lying, and so did Bakura.  
  
"Yeah...." The yami said. "Sorry." He sat down on the couch and began flipping aimlessly through a magazine. Baka curled up next to him with a heavy, sorrow-filled groan that sounded so melancholy that Bakura had to wonder if she knew.  
  
***  
  
The next morning, the grave robber woke up early with a feeling of utter dread and despair.   
  
*Maybe this is all just a bad dream and I'll wake up soon. I almost I wish I hadn't met that stupid inu....* Bakura rose from his bed, dressed slowly, meditavely, and ate breakfast with Baka in the same way.  
  
It was with a heavy heart that he finally put his plate in the sink and strode towards the door. He looked back at Baka.  
  
"Let's go," Bakura directed. The apartment door creaked in protest as he brutally shoved it open. He tied a leash around the beagle's neck and tugged reluctantly at it, but she dug her nails into the carpeting. Baka's rump hit the carpet with a soft WHUMPH as she eased back decisively onto her haunches. Her eyes bored into Bakura's, a silent plea the tomb raider found hard to ignore.   
  
"Nani?" He grumbled. "We have to go!"  
  
But Baka refused to move, and Bakura was forced to pick her up. He stomped out into the hallway, cursing and muttering foul obscenities under his breath. Baka lay quietly in his arms, resigned to a dark fate of which she knew was approaching, but had no details yet.  
  
Bakura marched to the elevator and jabbed at the button several times, acting as patiently as he knew how; but after several minutes, the grave robber grew frustrated and took the stairs. This did nothing to improve his mood.  
  
"Out of my way!" He growled menacingly to an old man who had taken more than his alloted time on each step. The man's eyes squinted feebly and focused on Bakura.   
  
"You!" He croaked, stabbing his cane accusingly at the tomb raider.  
  
"Me?" Bakura inquired, truely baffled.   
  
"You stole my wallet!" The old man howled and lurched into a hobbling run at the white-haired youth.  
  
"Shit!"  
  
Bakura jumped down the Ra-cursed stairs three at a time. Baka barked excitedly in his arms, tail wagging furiously, and attracted the attention of the other occupants of the lobby while he sprinted past them.  
  
"Shut up!" Bakura hissed urgently to her and she complied with a slightly wounded look. "Good girl," He reassured her and Baka's lips stretched into a grin.  
  
Bakura found himself grinning giddily back as he burst - literally - through the revolving doors for the second time in three months. The glass shattered noisily around him, disturbing the quiet of the morning and shedding his skin in at least six places. He made sure to shield Baka carefully with his arms.  
  
"Hey!" Some guy shouted after him. "What's wrong with you?"  
  
Bakura spun around, his teeth revealed in a terrible parody of a smile. A cut where blood had been welling spilled over and ran down his arm, breaking contact at the elbow to drip onto the ground. The tomb raider caught the blood with his tongue and smeared it liberally across his teeth. He carefully picked up his lips and sneered again. The man staggered back a pace in a healthy mix of horrified digust and sudden fear.  
  
"Everything." Bakura answered, and hauled butt, knowing some form of police or another would be chasing after him momentarily.   
  
"Him! That's him!" The old man had finally limped out into the street, oblivious to the wreckage. He leaned heavily on his cane and tapped anxiously on the still-stunned young man's shoulder. "Excuse me, sir, but could you please chase after that boy for me? He's stolen my wallet!"  
  
The other man threw him a terrified look. "Never in the Nine Hells would I ever see him again!" He cried, and fainted.  
  
***  
  
Long past the time when the sirens had faded into the distance, Bakura emereged from an alleyway, still licking a blood-covered arm.  
  
*Thank Ra I left the apartment so early,* He thought, annoyed with all the trouble those stupid people had caused him.  
  
Baka was nosing around in the grass nearby and unearthed a grasshopper. She yipped happily and began stalking it, her master looking on with an amused air. Baka growled, wiggling her behind in anticipation and pounced.  
  
The grasshopper moved quickly, hopping at a furious pace to avoid the jaws of death. Baka followed it, tail a sweeping blur.  
  
"Wait up!" Bakura protested and followed her with the lead dangling from his shoulder. He nearly stepped on Baka when he turned a corner. She had finally caught the insect and was eating it with great satisfaction.   
  
*Little savage,* He thought fondly and scooped her up off the ground. *Now, let's see...* Bakura took out Takahama-san's address and squinted, shading his eyes to make out the street sign farther down the road. He was astounded to find them matching.   
  
*But- how did I end up here? I zig-zagged back and forth so much that a /bird/ would have had difficulty in following me. What's the chance of this?*   
  
He shivered, even in the warm sunlight, then shook himself. *How old am I, anyway? 10? No!! Just 5,000! It's just a coincidence. That's all....*   
  
Baka squirmed free from his grasp and meandered aimlessly, her nose never leaving the ground. Bakura let her go and read the house number. He looked to the left. It was one too many. With a hunch, he looked despairingly to the right. One too less.   
  
He looked straight ahead at the house whose yard Baka was investigating. The numbers matched. Bakura gulped.  
  
If he had been Catholic, he would have crossed himself.  
  
oos: Yay! Just one, /possibly/ two chapters left. I'm pretty sure it's going to be one, but it depends. So I'll cya guys later! ^_^ 


	8. No Trouble Whatsoever

oos: (singing) Stacey's mom! Has got it going on! Baby, can't ya see? You're just not the girl for me! I know it may be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacey's mom! ^_^ hehehe, I'm currently obsessed with that song. ^_^;;  
  
Notice the new font? I felt like a crazy change!!!!!! ^_^  
  
No Trouble Whatsoever  
  
"Baka! Come!" Bakura called, heart jerking frantically in his throat. Was this really as ill-fated as it seemed?   
  
Gathering his wits about him, he tied the leash to Baka and approached the house, which was painted a peeling black. A chipped, white picket fence enclosed the scraggly yard, with a white gate that hung off it's hinges.   
  
It seemed to be largely composed of junk.  
  
Old tires were stacked haphazardly in leaning towers of five or six and rested against other objects (scarred tables, chairs with three legs, dressers with no drawers, etc.) for support.   
  
*Perhaps I'm at the wrong house,* Bakura thought desperately, and he backed out of the yard. Baka followed him, a questioning look crossing her face. Bakura re-checked the address. It was correct.  
  
He was painfully aware of the poor quality of the other houses, and even the street, home to as many holes as swiss cheese.  
  
Bakura wasn't afraid for himself; as a tomb robber, he'd /lived/ in neighborhoods such as this his whole life. But people that lived her were usually as low as common thieves and bandits (Not like himself, of course! ^_~). Could he really trust Baka to a person like that?  
  
Before he lost his nerve, the grave robber strode into the yard, skirted brazenly around the stacks of tires, and rapped three firm knocks on the door.  
  
A faint "Coming!" sounded from inside the house, causing Bakura's head to tilt sideways in listening. Yes, it was the same voice as on the phone. The door was opened by a middle-aged man with a receding hairline, a blustering aura, and a huge beer belly. Yet he was dressed well enough, in a formal suit, missing the jacket. No, wait. Bakura could spy it thrown over the back of a chair behind him.  
  
"Yes?" The man asked politely and the grave robber realized he had been staring.   
  
"Are you Takahama-san?" He tried to keep his normally-deep-and-grating voice light and pleasant.   
  
"I am," He replied, peering at Bakura curiously. "And whom might you be?"  
  
*Well-educated, too,* Bakura noted. *The bastard actually said 'whom'* He snorted mentally. *Pansy!* The tomb raider attempted a friendly grin. "I am Ryou-sama. I called you on the phone about your beagle yesterday." He pointed to Baka, who was looking off to the side, uninterested.  
  
"Sweetums!" Takahama cried and, squatting down, opened his arms wide. Baka looked up and wagged her tail in recognition and trotted into the man's hug. "I'd recognize Fluffy anywhere!"  
  
Bakura recoiled as though he had been physically slapped. *Fluffy?!* He sputtered to himself incredulously.  
  
Other than a bad taste in names, the man seemed to be decent and genuinely care about Baka. The dog was now wagging her tail so hard she fell over and had to be picked up by a laughing Takahama.  
  
"Do you have any proof her?" Bakura asked. Takahama nodded.   
  
"Indeed I do." He set down Baka and clasped his hands behind his back as if preparing to recite a poem in school. "Her eyes are brown, she has a lightening-shaped white streak on the back of her neck, and there's an old scar on the bottom of her right forepaw from when she got into a fight as a two-month old pup. And here-" he fished a folded piece of paper out of his pocket "- is her birth certificate."   
  
Bakura skimmed over it quickly and was mostly convinced. Although the first two things were easy enough, the last was solid proof. He himself had wondered how she had gotten that tiny scar on the inside of her paw.  
  
*Just one more thing....* The tomb raider summoned his Millennium Ring to appear under his shirt. Ryou didn't know of this power.... and didn't need to. Bakura felt a sharp pang of guilt. He had swore he wouldn't use it.... but this was an emergency! Ryou would understand. He shoved his guilt aside and silently activated the Ring.  
  
Bakura lightly brushed over the man's mind, having no need to penetrate deeper and shatter it. There was only joy, pure happiness, that his wonderful, beautiful, sweet, and intelligent Fluffy was home, and they would live happily ever after, and....  
  
The spirit shook his head slightly. He had been getting lost in Takahama's mind, but it had been worth it. Now he was sure the other man wasn't lying.  
  
"Ryou-san?" Takahama inquired. Bakura sent the Millennium Ring back to Ryou.   
  
"Yes. That's plenty proof for me." He smiled as gently as he could manage.  
  
"Thank you so much for returning Fluffy," Takahama smiled, not noticing or ignoring Bakura's twitch of disgust.  
  
"You're welcome." He replied, gritting his teeth.  
  
"Here," Takahama drew out a crisp fifty-dollar bill out of his pocket and held it out to Bakura. "For your trouble."  
  
The tomb robber visibly drooped. "No, thank you." He said softly, pushing the money back to him. "She was no trouble whatsoever."   
  
Bakura reached down and gave Baka one last pat. She whined quietly, again, almost like she knew.... she gave him a good lick on his palm and he smiled.  
  
"Good day."   
  
He left the yard and walked stiffly down the street.  
  
***  
  
The tomb raider stared blankly at the tv in Ryou's apartment. It was so quiet that the silence was ringing as loudly and painfully in his ears as a siren. Dark clouds hung over the city like a tent tied too loosely, and thunder rumbled in the distance, hinting at a coming storm.  
  
Bakura's eyes trailed over the empty spot next to him where Baka would have been sleeping, growling and barking in her sleep, the laundry basket that was full of her short black, brown, and white hairs, and a small piece of toilet paper with her teeth marks in it that he had missed while vacuuming.  
  
Memories of Baka were everywhere. Bakura squeezed his eyes shut until he saw fireworks. Sweet Ra! He'd only known her for four days and now she was as firmly engraved on his heart as Ryou.  
  
*Stupid beagle,* He thought, miserable. *Why? It's all her fault! She did this to me! That day in the park, she could have easily been under another bench! Why mine?*  
  
Bakura scowled horribly. It hadn't really been her fault, of course. It might as well have been his- he could have just as easily sat on a different bench, or gone somewhere other than the park. But /someone/ needed to be blamed. Or somedog.  
  
He could feel a burning sensation at the corners of his eyes and felt drops of wetness sliding down his cheeks, only to be followed by more in an enthusiastic stream.   
  
After a while, Bakura had to rub the tears away himself and wash his face at the sink. There was no Baka to erase them now.  
  
ooc: Just for all you wonderful readers.... I've decided to make next chapter the last instead of this one being super-duper long. ^_^ Love ya guys too- see ya soon! COUGHreviewCOUGH ^_^;; 


	9. Perfectly Undisturbed

oos: Hey all! (looks guilty) You guys are SO going to hate me after this chapter!  
  
^_^;; Anyway....  
  
I'm not actually sure how long it will be until this gets online. My computer's internet connection is currently broken at the moment I'm typing this (X_x), so I've been suffering, too, /believe me/!  
  
Thanks for those readers who have been with me from the start. I might have stopped writing this if it weren't for you. Although I didn't get as many reviews for this as for Soul Mates, I personally think Baka is better written and more mature. I've never been kissed, but I have lost pets, so maybe it has to do with the whole life experiance thing.  
  
Ignore my musings and enjoy! Just don't hate me... (small voice) please. /You're/ the one who wanted to read this story, and it IS listed as Comedy/Tragedy (something not often put together, I should think).   
  
Perfectly Undisturbed  
  
Ryou was running with Baka, laughing as they wandered further and further away.   
  
"Where are you going?!" Bakura yelled, a note of panic creeping into his voice.  
  
"Don't worry!" His aibou shouted in reply. "/I'm/ coming back."  
  
"What do you mean?" The tomb raider demanded, frustrated.   
  
Ryou laughed again, at Bakura this time, and the yami grew angry.  
  
"You damn hikari! Tell me what's happening RIGHT NOW!"  
  
Immediately, the world around them turned dark. Bakura ran blindly toward the spot where Ryou had been, frantically calling his name over and over.  
  
"'Kura! Save me!" Ryou screamed, sobbing in terror. His voice seemed to come from every direction at once, bombarding the spirit's senses into confusion.   
  
Baka howled mournfully from somewhere nearby, and the hair stood straight up on the back of Bakura's neck.   
  
Ryou cried, "Don't let them get you!"  
  
"What?!" Bakura shouted. "Who? Where are you?"  
  
Now there was only silence.  
  
***  
  
Bakura woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath as he continued bleating for Ryou. He stopped abruptly as he remembered he was still in bed where he had crashed the night before.   
  
He realized he was clutching the sheets so tightly that his knuckles had whitened and were numb. The yami forced himself to unclench his fists.  
  
"Just a dream," Bakura said outloud, still breathing deeply to take in lost oxygen. "A nightmare. That's it. I'm ok." He took a long breath to calm himself.'  
  
The grave robber noticed how sharply the sunlight was slanting through the window opposite his bed. Frowning, he looked at the clock.  
  
Three'o'clock?!? He couldn't remember sleeping this late before, even in his previous life. *I guess crying is an exhausting business.* Bakura thought emotionlessly.   
  
He still felt as though he was in shock.  
  
The tomb raider threw off the covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He stood up, stretching, and threw on a shirt and jeans (Aithril: 0_0! BOXERS! ^_^;;). Bakura stared idly at the calendar before picking up a pen; he hadn't bothered to cross off the days in a while.  
  
*Ryou's coming home today.* He observed, walking into the kitchen. *I guess I'll-*  
  
He froze, staring at the table. The day before, the spirit had carelessly thrown the manilla vet record of Baka's shots, health, etc. aside.   
  
Bakura snatched it up eagerly. *I must bring these to Takahama!* He thought happily. *He'll need to know that she's had her shots.*  
  
/You just want to see Baka again..../ whispered a voice that sounded suspiciously similar to Ryou's.  
  
"So what?" He asked the voice. Before he could disagree with himself anymore, he shrugged into his coat and left the apartment, manilla folder in hand.  
  
***  
  
It took a while for Bakura to even find his way to Takahama's street, and half an hour after that to find the house. It might have been easier if he hadn't walked home in a daze the night before.  
  
The grave robber surveyed the house, trying to place what was different. Something looked snazier, more up-to-date....   
  
*The house* He noted. Takahama must have spent the morning and afternoon painting the outside of the house- it was now a fresh and gleaming black.   
  
*Oddly dark for him,* Bakura mused. He sidestepped the newspapers that littered the yard. The yami felt a cold prickle of fear run down his spine. He ignored it and knocked on the door. A TV was blasting from inside and from it he could hear snickering, cruel laughter and other, indistinguishable noises.  
  
He expected the door to open right away, but was disappointed as no one answered.  
  
Bakura felt stupid, arriving unexpectedly on this man's doorstep. He spun on his heel to leave.  
  
A yelp burst from inside the house.  
  
At least he thought it was a yelp.  
  
He turned back towards the door, dropping the folder with the vet records.  
  
"Baka!" Bakura cried in horror. He turned the knob and the door swung open easily- it hadn't been locked. The yami's eyes blinked, eyes flashing green like a cat's in the darkness of the living room.  
  
There was no TV.  
  
The jacket was still over the back of the chair where Takahama had left it the day before.  
  
He heard another cry, followed by a tortured bark.   
  
Bakura ran through the house; his vision was turning red. He came to a door with light spilling out from undeneath.   
  
He opened it.  
  
The basement.  
  
And now, when the dog cried, (he had been hoping to Ra it wasn't Baka afterall, just a TV) he recognized it, knew it was Baka in the very marrow of his bones.   
  
Instantly, the Millenium Ring was in his hands and flared to life, flooding the hallway with a light brighter than the mind could imagine. A wind stirred up, seemingly from nothing, and swirled angrily about his lean figure. Bakura's heart screamed for revenge, and his mind for justice, until the two sidres merged together in a malestorm of uncontrollable rage.  
  
So when the spirit flew down the stairs in one step, brown eyes blazing, snowy white hair sprarking off in all directions, and the Millenium Ring glowing brighter than a thousand suns, Takahama was, to say the least, disturbed.  
  
"What the f*ck?!" He shouted, and stumbled clumsily a step to his right to block something on the floor from Bakura's view. A naked bulb swung overhead, disrupted by the wind. "Who- /what/ are you?"  
  
"Where's Baka?" Bakura demanded.   
  
Takahama actually smirked and swaggered towards him. He leaned in, bringing his face so close to the tomb raider's that he could smell the reek of alcohol on his breath, and whispered, "Dead. I killed the little b*tch."  
  
Bakura snarled, eyes flashing to a red violet. He leapt forward, and sank his teeth into the man's cheek.   
  
Takahama screamed, twisting and flailing wildly. He succeeded in ripping away the flesh caught between his opponent's teeth.  
  
The yami spit the chunk of skin out of the corner of his mouth and whipped a knife out of his pocket. Takahama stood up slowly, blood pouring from the wound like a waterfall. He slid his hand to the pocket of his jeans and patted it vainly, then seemed puzzled, as there was nothing there.  
  
Bakura darted forward and picked up Takahama by the front of his pin-striped, business suit. He raised the knife and pressed it against the man's throat until he gurgled and blood began seeping out of the slit.   
  
Now it was the grave robber who drew him close until they were eye to eye, an inch apart.   
  
"Have a swift journey to hell, you bloody bastard!"  
  
Bakura whipped the knife once across his victim's neck and the head dropped back, almost severed. The spirit finished the job with another quick flick of his wrist and the hideous face rolled off to stare blankly into the shadows of a corner.  
  
He glanced around wildly for Baka, and his gaze fell on the little bundle Takahama had blocked from his sight. A little bundle of red, white, and brown....  
  
A groan of horror escaped his throat at the thought of his own stupidity in letting this monster take Baka from him. Bakura approached the limp form timidly, afraid of what he might find. He turned her over.  
  
She yelped and her muzzle contorted into a snarl until she recognized the face looming anxiously above her. Her tail flapped back and forth twice and she licked his hand happily, even gratefully, as if he was in no way responsible for her misery.  
  
*And pain,* Bakura realized with a pang. He leaned over her and winced.  
  
A long, six-inch knife was buried up to the hilt in her ribs.  
  
/He slid his hand to the pocket of his jeans and patted it vainly, then seemed puzzled as there was nothing there./  
  
Baka whined softly, pawing at the yami, and he stroked her ears. She wouldn't live to see the day.  
  
Bakura picked her up and carried her reverently up the stairs and out of the house. He left the front door wide open so there was a chance /someone/ would dispose of the headless corpse in the basement.  
  
The tomb raider frowned darkly at the thought of Takahama leering at him. Baka whimpered as his foot caught on the sidewalk and he stumbled, jolting her broken body slightly.  
  
His gaze softened and his eyes were kind and filled with emotion, something he had previously reserved for Ryou's presence only.   
  
"We're going to the park, Baka," Bakura whispered quietly. He thought he saw her ears twitch.  
  
***  
  
By the time he reached the park, it was dark out, about eight'o'clock, he guessed. Bakura strode through the gates and, hesitantly, approached the bench. He sat down with a grunt and was about to lay Baka down when he thought about it from the dog's point of view. He placed her meticulously on the soft grass and settled down next to her himself, back braced against the bench.  
  
The beagle's breath was coming in a sort of pained gasp, and every rasping shudder was cutting sharply into the grave robber's heart. Tears pricked at his eyes. He looked shiftily from side to side, reassuring himself that he had no audience. All was dark and silent.  
  
Sobs racked his body and Baka quieted to listen.  
  
Tears dropped onto her blood-sodden coat, but she didn't react until Bakura moved his head into his hands. A drop slid down the edge of his nose, fell through his fingers and splashed onto her nose. She licked it eagerly with a wash of her tongue and strained to reach his face.  
  
The corners of the yami's mouth curved upward despite his tears. He lowered his face to let her lick them.  
  
Soon... she would be gone....  
  
..... and Ra keep her soul.  
  
Bakura didn't know how long he sat there, thinking, but, gradually, the reassuring touch on his cheek slowed. After one last, satisfied lick, it stopped.  
  
He could not bring himself to look down, knowing he would find lifeless, empty eyes staring back at him.   
  
The stars inched across the sky as he looked on. The expanse lightened with the coming day and pale threads of pink drifted lazily above. His eyes dropped to Baka.  
  
Baka's eyes were closed, and a blissful, dreamy smile stretched across her muzzle.  
  
*This is the most peaceful corpse I've ever seen...* Bakura thought vaguely, and, dropping his chin to his chest, closed his eyes.  
  
***  
  
The groundskeeper was tending fondly to the shrubbery when he came upon an occupied bench. He frowned, checking his watch. Had time really flown by that quickly?  
  
But it was only seven! The park wouldn't open for another hour!  
  
He studied the figure asleep at the foot of the bench. It looked to be a teen, or a young man in his early twenties. A shock of wild, dove-white hair sprouted from his pale, porcelin-like face. Blood flecked it and the groundskeeper watched in disgust as the boy's tongue emerged and absently licked it up. Blood was also on his clothing, but he didn't seem to be bleeding.  
  
Was it someone.. /else's/ blood?  
  
The man gulped. He took a few steps to the left and discovered something else.  
  
In his arms, the youth held the limp form of a dog, and, upon close inspection, the groundskeeper realized it wasn't breathing.  
  
He began slowly backing away when the boy's eyes flashed open.   
  
The groundskeeper shrieked and turned to run, but was skillfully apprehended and twisted to look into the murderer's face.  
  
"M-murderer! Kill-ed da dog!" He stuttered in broken Japanese and continued babbling something else.  
  
Bakura showed his teeth in a feral grin. The groundskeeper shut up. His short, blond hair was standing on end.  
  
"If you don't return here with a shovel in under five minutes and/or tell someone about this, I will personally murder your family before you can take another breath," The yami hissed.  
  
The poor man (for we truely must feel sorry for him) nodded quickly. Bakura threw him down and he bowed, muttering something fearfully, then turned and ran.  
  
The tomb raider sat back on the bench, immensely satisfied. He looked at Baka's body again and his mood dropped a few notches.  
  
*Baka....*  
  
His thoughts were ended abruptly when the groundskeeper reappeared, shovel in hand, and threw himself at Bakura's feet, babbling pleas about not killing him and so on. The grave robber didn't listen; he'd heard these thousands of times before from other victims.  
  
"There will be a grave here under the bench." He announced, and the man gasped, dropping the shovel with a clang. "If you do not take care of it properly, in secret, not only will I murder your family, but you will be cursed ten generations from now. Understood?"  
  
The groundskeeper whimpered and stuttered, "Y-y-yes!"  
  
"Good." Bakura looked away, bored. "Leave now."   
  
He bolted.  
  
A small smile tugged at the corners of the tomb raider's face as he expertly peeled back a layer of sod under the bench and used the shovel, dumping the dirt in a neat pile beside the grave.   
  
Fifteen minutes later, it was deep enough.  
  
Bakura carefully lowered the beagle's body into the grave. He spoke a prayer in ancient Egyptian and pushed the dirt pile back over her, packing it in solidly. He smoothed the top with his palm and rolled the layer of grass back over the grave and eyed it.  
  
Perfectly undisturbed.  
  
As a last touch, he pried a rock out of the garden nearby and placed it respectfully on top of the grave.  
  
A bell sang in the distance, indicating the park's opening. Bakura walked home.  
  
***  
  
Just after lunch, the door opened and Ryou bounced inside, already talking before Bakura could manage a word.  
  
"Hey Bakura! Sorry I'm so late! I missed the plane, so I had to get tickets for another one... Ah-HA! So that's where the Millenium Ring went! You should be ashamed of yourself- you promised you wouldn't send for it. And .... um, do you know why people in the lobby were giving me dirty looks? Because some guy ran away screaming when he saw me and- 'Kura? Are you ok?"  
  
He looked at his yami who was leaning silently against the wall. The spirit straightened and made it to Ryou's shoulder before he burst into tears.  
  
{Ryou: ((0 _ 0)) }  
  
He patted Bakura on the shoulder gingerly. "Aw, yami! What's wrong? S'alright!" Ryou felt his aibou's arms squeeze him tighter. "Everything will be fine. It'll be ok, I promise." The hikari still had no idea what was going on.  
  
Bakura was thinking about the 'ok' part as his tears slowed to a trickle.  
  
"Hikari, you do know that I love you, right?"  
  
Ryou was even more stunned than before. First, his yami breaking down into tears, then bluntly saying he loved him? What had happened to bring about this revelation?  
  
"Of course, Bakura. I love you too."  
  
Tears flooded the tomb raider's eyes again and they ran down his face to drip on Ryou's sweater.  
  
Suddenly, the hikari realized something. "Hey, where's that dog you were talking about? Surely you didn't let her owner take her so-"  
  
Bakura buried his face into the sweater and cried harder.  
  
Ryou patiently wiped away the tears.  
  
oos: (cries) (sniffs) You know, it took me about three days in school to get this the way I wanted it. (sniffs again) I kept crying in the middle of class. (cringes) I really, really hope you guys don't hate. (sniffs yet again) See ya in DATAKS 2! 


End file.
